HOLY COW!

(Disclaimer: Most characters and events in this article are not really real. There! I said it. OK? Now don't sue me.)

Animal rights activists from all over India are thronging to villages in Bihar and Jharkhand where the villagers are suddenly engaging in a practice now known as 'cow-shackling.' This incident came to light when a popular TV channel, India TV, sensationalized the way in which the cows were being bound tightly using metal chains to pegs, poles and to each other. The animals have been staying this way since a few months under close supervision. The liberation of these cows and the taking into custody of those responsible has been hailed by the channel as 'the triumph of Indian media.'

However, on further investigation and actually asking the villagers about the reason for their practice they couldn't come up with a straight answer. A public statement by the mukhiya (village head) of one such village shocked the country when he said that the villagers were afraid that aliens would abduct their cattle. Paranormal and Extraterrestrial experts from all over the world reached Bihar to investigate the issue but were disappointed when they later found out the real story.

The villagers, according to the mukhiya and as confirmed by others, were convinced that there were aliens all over the country beaming up cows in their flying saucers. India TV, reported very recently had a "breaking-news" item where they had a frantic reporter reporting about cows being taken into alien custody. They depicted an animated flying saucer in the background throwing a beam of light on a Jersey cow, and seconds later the cow being lifted into the saucer. The story also showed grainy images of something shaped like a cow, inside a beam of light, claiming that this is proof. Cow-shackling has also been reported in parts of Orissa, Rajasthan, Punjab and Uttar Pradesh. These are all now understood to be a desperate attempt to secure their cows.

The police have not yet managed to find a scapegoat, and also India TV is filthy rich. The consequences of these incidents yet remains uncertain.



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